If I were to ask you to talk about judgement what would you say?
Would you share how judgement plays out in your life, or would you talk about the downside of judging oneself or another and offer some tools on how NOT to judge?
Would you fess up and admit that sometimes you fall into the trap of judgement…or would there be denial and certainty that you never ever judged anyone??
Every day I witness the dialogue that goes on in my mind and then what makes it out of my mouth…
I always hope that most of it is conscious, but if I am totally honest then sadly, some of it isn’t.
The thoughts I think and the words I speak ultimately depend on whether I am present and in the moment, or moving from a place of disconnect and separation.
There, I owned it.
I don’t necessarily like it, or want to do it, but sometimes it happens.
Mostly I judge myself, but there are times when I notice my unintentional judgement of others too.
I can judge myself about a load of different things.
I am pretty good at it actually, after years of practise perfecting the art of self-sabotage!
The judgement might be about:
+ How I look.
+ How I feel.
+ What I eat.
+ How successful I am (or not).
+ My creativity (or what I might consider to be a lack of).
+ What I am doing with my life.
+ Whether I am the mama I want to be.
+ The kind of partner I am.
And the list goes on and on and on…
I find that I judge because I have an expectation that hasn’t been met.
It usually plays out something like this:
+ I follow an action (this can be small and simple) that is in some way not aligned with the me I want to be.
+ I move into judgment - this may be via a thought about myself or actual words that are spoken.
+ Here I can choose one of 2 paths: I will either fall prey to the story behind the judgement and hang out there for a while, or, via the practise of mindfulness I quickly become aware that I have judged.
+ From here I realign with a positive mindset.
I try not to be too hard on myself and instead hold myself gently with kindness and compassion- for this is part of my human-ness.
When I judge another it is usually because they have made a choice that isn’t in alignment with my life philosophy and how I choose to be in the world.
Does this make them wrong and me right??
Is my unique way of doing things any better than theirs?
My ego will tell you that yes, my way is superior and therefore deduce that all other ways must be inferior to mine.
But…this isn’t actually true is it.
The life view I hold close has been created and honed via my life experiences, my conditioning and my upbringing.
In this way I am unique and different from every other soul on the planet for none has the exact same personal history as me…but does that make it any better than yours?
When we judge we come from a place of deep disconnection and a belief that we are alone.
We come from a feeling of separateness.
We judge others by the choices they make around what are often heated topics like:
+ How they parent.
+ What they eat.
+ How they treat themselves, each other, the planet.
+ What they wear.
+ How they speak.
+ Their choice of faith, religion, spirituality.
+ All the choices they make that we feel are SOOO wrong…
And the list goes on and on and on…
So what can we do to move out of feeling separate from another and falling into the trap of judgment?
The first step is to be curious about where the judgement has come from.
Not to give yourself a hard time, but to pause for a moment and ask yourself:
+ What is it I am judging and why?
+ Where am I out of alignment?
+ Do I have expectations of the situation that aren’t realistic?
+ What am I assuming right now?
+ Can I put myself in their shoes for a moment?
+ Can I remember a time when I may have been feeling/experiencing something similar?
+ How can I bring gratitude to the situation - what about the other person can I truly appreciate?
+ What are the positives in the situation?
Once you have bought mindfulness to the party, connected with how 'they' may be feeling and reflected deeply on the situation, then the feelings of judgement will gently shift to those of empathy and understanding.
You will realign with your true nature as a loving and compassionate being who seeks to help others, not judge them for their choices.
What a gift it is that each moment, each day…you have a choice.
How you view others and yourself is always within your control.
By pausing and really feeling into what might be going on for someone else rather than jumping to an often misguided assumption, and by being kind with yourself always, you can slowly make judgement a thing of the past...
So beautiful one...
When was the last time you judged another?
What about yourself?
Letting go of judgement takes time, but you can do it!
I'd love you to share with me in the comments below a time when you found yourself judging another (or yourself), and how you moved out of the judgement and back into compassion....what tools did you use?
Have a divine and judgment free day beautiful!