( How I renewed my sacred vow to the Goddess and reclaimed my Wild Woman - a tale of one woman's journey into the underworld)
During the intense Scorpio Full Moon back in May I made a vow to my womb. I promised to no longer abandon her and to finally face the darkness and wounds I had been hiding there for over 20 years.
At almost 47 I am deep in the throes of the feminine mysteries and experience of perimenopause - and so in some way I actually welcomed the descent as I knew it was coming.
This journey was to be one of those pivotal moments you look back on once you've come through the fire - a turning point which saw me spiral very quickly into the dark void within.
For months on end I cried a rivers of tears - SO many tears for the countless times I had betrayed and abandoned myself - and for the way our patriarchal culture has betrayed and abandoned women for thousands of years
ALL has been up for questioning - my entire life intricately sifted through - and much has been offered to the flames for release.
Alone in the dark I offered myself up for sacrifice and burned again and again and again in the witch fire as parts of myself that were not serving my evolution were set ablaze in the cauldron of my womb.
This was no ordinary fire but what felt like an insatiable inferno that greedily devoured not only the wounds of my womb but also those of my feminine linage AND the hundreds and thousands of women who've burned before me
There were days and weeks where I feared I would burn for an eternity - feared there would be nothing left of me but a corpse.
As I burned and raged I flipped the bird at the patriarchy - over and over again - as shackles were unshackled and bindings unbound.
What I discovered in the fire was how deep the conditioning of the patriarchy runs.
I met parts of myself that I thought were free and sovereign only to discover on digging a little deeper that they were STILL chained and enmeshed deep in the roots of a power over paradigm.
FUCK this blew my world apart!
I consciously came undone and felt an all-consuming and intense rage - so much fucking anger I thought it would tear me apart. (it nearly did)
I felt it for -
* the women who have been lied to, ridiculed, manipulated and tricked
* the women who've been oppressed, repressed and suppressed.
* the women who've been abused, raped and enslaved
* the woman who've been tamed, domesticated, subdued and 'toned down'
* the women who've been made to play the subservient, servant and maid
* the women who were burnt, drowned and killed for their wisdom and knowing - and for the impact that STILL has on us today hundreds of years later
* the women that were forced to turn on each other to survive - and the rift in the sisterhood we are still healing
* our beautiful sacred Mother Earth - great Gaia - and how she burns still because of greed and money
* the stories we tell about what it means to be a woman - and for all the stories not shared.
Where are OUR stories?
Where are the stories of women?
Where in our so called 'advanced' and 'civilised' culture are the powerful inspiring wise woman showing us the way?
As I searched for these stories as a guiding light in the dark I became acutely aware that in our western culture women are systematically written out of the story once we are no longer productive 'child bearers'.
Our ageing bodies, silver hairs and life wisdom are hidden away, covered up, denied and coloured as we try desperately to hold on to our youth.
Our life experience remains unshared as we escape into the wilderness morphing into the evil ugly hag.
WHY?
Because our current culture worships the maiden as the only representation of woman - and as daughters of the patriarchy we sadly still live within a society that bows down at the altar of beauty, youth, productivity and 'doing'
So yeh - the journey was freaken HUGE!!
It's been brutal and I could have easily fled (many days I longed to) yet I allowed myself to feel ALL of it.I wallowed, played the victim and cowered - at times overwhelmingly afraid of the dark.
I purged, screamed, and cried for all the women who have been labelled 'too much', 'hysterical', 'crazy' or 'drama queens' - these same women who simultaneously feel unworthy and not good enough.
And then one day - like magic - I AWOKE.
CHANGED
I am not the same woman I was back in May.
I've been REBORN and am rising just as the rebirthed phoenix does from the ashes of all that has been purged in the flames.
My wise, wild woman and primal instinctual nature is no longer numb to the domesticity that's been inflicted upon her for a millennia.
She is alive - and she is ON FIRE - yet the fire is no longer burning to purge but is the creative spark and unwavering light glowing deep in her womb temple ready to fuel a revolution!
What she now knows is -
️* She will no longer tolerate being bound - or allow any sister to live silently in chains
️* She is wild, untamed, unapologetic and unrelenting in her vision and mission
️* She is the expression and embodiment of FIERCE LOVE, compassion, wisdom and power.
️* Her bones are strong and her blood has been purified.
️* The holy grail of her womb has been cleansed and where once was a dry, drought struck terrain now is sacred ground to a wild overgrown rose garden flourishing with life.
She has spat on the lies and refuses to betray or abandon herself EVER again.
Deep in her blood and bones she knows.
She is CREATRIX
She is feral, uncultivated, overgrown and FREE
She is a woman who runs with the wolves - a WILD WOMAN.
Upon waking once more into the light washed clean I have been effortlessly receiving potent and crystal clear clarity on what it is that I am here to share.
So - I have renewed my vow to be in sacred and loving service to the Goddess (a prayer I first whispered 27 years ago when I was 20) and to my current vision to be in support of the healing, rising and empowerment of the feminine on the planet at this time.
I have escaped from the garden with its white picket fences, suffocating neatness and stifling cultivated refinement to walk the Red Road - the path of the wild unknown.
I know not the specific details of what comes next - and I don't need to.
Instead I choose to forever follow what lights me up and turns me on!
And know that there will be more dark nights to come - it's the nature of the cyclic feminine - and when that time comes I will be willing and ready once again to surrender to the shadow and receive the gifts and medicine.
So - here I am with my silvers - a beautiful reminder of the initiation and rite of passage just journeyed.
THIS IS ME.
By sharing my story I hope it may offer you a light of clarity and hope during your own descent.
It's time to REMEMBER sisters - it's time to come HOME.
With so much love and blessings,
Star ️ xxxx
* Image Credit Unknown
