This morning I woke early.
My mind was restless and though my body needed more rest,
busy monkey mind won out.
Though weary, I do love this time of day.
The sun is still yet to rise, the birds are not yet singing their morning tune and all is quiet and still.
Except for my mind that is.
I settled into my meditation practise regardless, yet none of my usual tools to ground and centre were working.
Mind was in full swing and pulling the strings this way and that.
I did what I always do when this is my experience.
I stayed, despite the busyness.
I stayed, despite the desire to do anything else but be there with a head feeling ready to implode.
I just simply stayed.
***
Once my timer went off I got up and let the practise go.
It’s not really my business to analyse what happens when I sit in stillness.
No need to judge it as good or bad.
I showed up, that’s the most important part.
So I let it go, pulled an oracle card for the day and then, as my man and little one were still sleeping, I headed out the door to greet the day and move my body.
I was beyond grateful to make it to the top of my local hill to see the sun rise over the ocean and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.
There were tears of joy and tears of gratitude - for the gift of life and all the possibilities that a new dawn brings.
But there were other tears too.
What had woken me before dawn and kept me from falling into a peaceful slumber the night before?
What was this lingering feeling inside my gut that wouldn’t let up?
My walk gave me some well-needed time to go within and see what was there beneath the uneasy feelings clouding my normal optimistic life view.
The revelation was not a particularly pleasant one.
I was feeling stuck, in a funk and with a whole lot of stagnant energy that needed moving - pronto!
What I really wanted to uncover is how I got to this place so suddenly?
Only last week I was in the flow, aligned and feeling super charged and inspired!
The story that was playing on repeat in my mind was a little hard to swallow…
***
One aspect of my Soul Purpose in this life is advocating Self Care as a daily ritual, but in the past few weeks’ life had upped the ante, my little one was no longer napping regularly and I was struggling to find the space to lovingly slot it into my day.
I share a lot about the importance of finding balance with all that we do, but here I was feeling so off kilter and out of alignment.
And, to top it all off, an insipid and toxic thought kept popping to the forefront of my mind too…
Am I a fraud and a fake???
If I am not ‘practising what I preach’ all of the time what does that say about me?
That one landed so heavy in me that it nearly knocked me over.
What?? Really??? Surely not…
Part of my message is to inspire you to realign with a more feminine approach to life, but I have aspired not to come across in a way that makes you feel that I have it all together or that I have the answers to all of it…
Trust me, I don’t.
Just like yours, my life is an experiment.
I am constantly adapting, evolving, letting go and opening up.
Shattering views and adopting new ones that feel more true to where I am in my journey right now.
I do have tools to offer, insights to share and some hard-earned life lessons to inspire you to do it differently.
I have made it my practise and life purpose to ‘walk my talk’ and view integrity as one of my highest personal values.
So how did I end up here??
Why did I doubt my message and myself now?
***
My insight…
Miss Scorpio perfectionist had dropped by and I was judging myself a little too harshly for what was really – in the grand scheme of things - a momentary pause in my normally devoted and dedicated daily Self Care practise.
Yes, I had gotten a little off track, but within a few days things had evened themselves out once more.
It certainly didn’t mean that I should abandon my passion, desire and soul driven purpose to help
you carve out time for yourself every damn day.
It most definitely didn’t mean that I was a fraud…
The simple truth is I’m not a fraud…or a fake - though I do believe that sometimes we have to ‘fake it til we make it’.
My journey continues to be one of trial and error.
Sometimes the old patterns that I am persistently working to dissolve override all the new messages, and I fall victim to a little self-doubt, uncertainty and fear.
I am happy to say that most of the time I am able to nip those lingering doubts in the bud quick smart before they send me on a downward spiral of self-sabotage and negativity.
Most of the time I feel inspired, aligned and exactly where I need to be.
***
Have you ever felt this way honey?
Wondering if you were a fraud or out of your integrity?
Whether your answer was yes or no, the greatest asset you have to overshadow those thoughts that come to cloud your sunny day is one simple, beautiful thing.
The greatest gift you can offer yourself no matter what life has in store for you is that of unconditional self-love, kindness and compassion.
Hold yourself always with these thoughts in your mind sweet sister.
No matter what.
This is all you need to do.
Realign, offer yourself loving kindness, let go, move on and go easy on yourself…always.
***
I would love to hear your comments below if you have ever felt the way I did and what you did to navigate your way through it.
May life flow with ease always.
Love Star xxxx
